Matt Smith,
First and foremost, I think I should apologize for calling you simply "Matt" on the phone the other day. I think I caught you off-guard. But the Steelers won. So, really, no harm done.
A few days ago, while driving home from the South Side, I passed a James Dean lookalike who appeared to be humping a fire hydrant. He seemed so happy. Granted, he might have been severely tripped out on some potentially deadly substance, but he was just rocking, and rocking, and rocking -- like he could just ride that fire hydrant on home to the Promised Land.
Recently, I've been struggling to figure out what exactly makes me happy. A co-worker of mine asked me that awhile back, and even though I gave him an answer, I'm still not sure I was completely honest. I said, "Helping other people -- especially children -- see things in a new way." Textbook answer, really. Almost as if I was preparing to write some personal statements for graduate school applications... BUT. I digress.
In my high school yearbook, way, way, WAY in the back, there's a long listing of what everyone wants to do after graduation. Mine says (and I'm doing this from memory, yet I remember it verbatim), "To pursue a career in theatre... To be happy." Well, one out of two ain't bad.
Not that I'm UNhappy. I'm not. I'm content. Really. I'm doing a lot of things that I love to do, and a few things that I don't entirely despise. I'm getting by. I surround myself with people that I love. And that HAS to be something. I can't help but be happy with those things.
But I'm missing something. I wish that I could do one thing, stay in one place, stop all this running around, working at things that don't bring me satisfaction. I think grad school might help with that. I'll be certified to teach -- certified to make a difference with more than one kid at a time. It's a small step, but I have to keep telling myself I'm getting somewhere. Slowly. Very slowly.
All in all, I'm happy. I'm just not moth-in-a-flame happy. I'm not James Dean humping a fire hydrant happy.
I'll have to keep working on that.
Don't let the bed bugs bite,
Meredith
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
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2 comments:
Wow -- humping-a-fire-hydrant-while-looking-like-James-Dean-Happy... that's pretty happy. I don't know if I'm that happy, either (can anyone else *really* ever be *that* happy?)
Happy is good. I think I'm happy, too. I have a paying desk job with insurance and I don't hate it.. in fact, it's quite entertaining at times. I've gotten myself hooked up with the owner of a costume shop who can teach me a lot about what I do love to do. I'm helping to make a relationship work -- and both of us still want to be in it! I have a great, inexpensive apartment -- albeit, one with squirrels still -- but an a place to call home, nonetheless.
Yes, I must tip the scale towards happy. Hooray for Happy!
Out of sheer randomness, I was googling the screen names of everybody in my buddy list. It's quite interesting what you find, especially with your previous entry about what happens when you google 'botticellopheila'.
I like the way you write. It's very random, and still very 'Meredith'. I'd promise to read it, but you don't seem to update that often. In any case, I needed to find a little random humor. Thank you from brightening my day (despite it being 3am).
Pat "the light guy"
P.S. -- I'm surprised you didn't question why a moth in a flame is so happy, what with him being in a flame and all.
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