Matt Smith,

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Are they right? Who are "they" anyway? Do they even matter? And why, if we don't know who "they" are, do we always seem to put so much weight on what "they" say? I suppose at one point "they" were just one person, and then he (or she) became so important that they earned an reputation for being wise, creating a situation where they have the wisdom of many -- thereby making them "they."
Or maybe they were just really fat, and people thought they looked like two or three normal-sized people put together. The fat person probably thought that was pretty cool (being referred to as "they," not being fat -- that just sucks) -- and maybe he or she thought that it was some sort of term of endearment, when really it was just a term for fat people.
Fat people have it rough. They can't ride roller coasters -- you always need a coaster buddy. (Unless it was okay that they be their own buddy. Then that's cool.) They have to sit in the handicapped seats at the movie theatre, which is awful, because I really am not of the opinion that obesity is a handicap. Maybe selective obesity could be considered a handicap. For instance, if one had an inexplicably fat left foot, or a really chubby elbow. Aside from being just sad, that could be hard to deal with. How could you drive a standard transmission with a fat left foot?
But, I guess if the fat people want to be handicapped, that's okay. I hear it's in now.

-- Meredith