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Matt Smith,

I hope Seattle is awesome because Boston sucks.

I entertained the idea of just leaving that as my blog entry, and I also entertained the idea of not using the phrase "blog entry," but seeing as how I've just managed to blow both of those entertaining ideas with one sentence, I'll continue.

Boston and I are trying to stay positive in this trying time, but it's... trying. There's only so much smiling one can do when a city is taking you and yours to the cleaners day after day. I try to tell Boston that I don't like to shower that much, that showering twice or three times a week is fine for me, that Matt doesn't have to be that clean either, that I'll take him anyway I get him as long as he's happy, that I don't care about a little stank... but then, wham, bam and off we go to the cleaners again.

This particular cleaner has a habit of bruising people easily, injecting their love handles with drugs with silly names, and making them really hate the situation in general. Needless to say, it's not a cleaner I would choose personally, but Boston seems to love it. Boston loves this cleaner and every horrible tragedy that they stand for.

I would love to put this cleaner... and Boston... out of business.

The plan goes like this, Matt Smith:

First, I show up with competitors' coupons. Then, while they're distracted by my seeming ineptitude yet savvy consumer-mindedness, you run in and steal... whatever it is that makes the suits and shirts and other items on hangers spin around. THAT way, whenever they have something brought to them, they have to WALK to go put it away. No more Mr. I-Just-Have-To-Push-This-Button-and-Everything-Moves-On-My-Command. No, no. In fact, not only will it work THAT way, it's twofold. When people come to PICK UP their cleaning, Mr. IJHTPTBAEMOMC (see above) will have to search endlessly to find it for them... or come up with some sort of innovative clothes filing system. Which he's probably not smart enough to anyway, even though he's smart enough to know which people can be kicked when they're down.

Does Seattle have cleaners that they take people to? Do they beat them up until they're barely recognizable and then throw them to the Seattle wolves, assuming, of course, that there are wolves in Seattle? Does Seattle delight in bringing pain to a select few undeserving citizens, and does it enjoy hearing their cries of agony?

Yes?

No?

Do tell. I'm eager to hear other tales of woe from other coastal towns. I think this is something they conspire to do to the people who move there from landlocked areas of the country.

Also, please let me know if you're down with the plan. And if you're down with the phrase "your momma." Those jokes are coming back in fashion now and I need some sort of definitive answer on the subject.

The blog has been beaten, Michael, and now it's crawling its way back to life. Hope you can snarkily forgive me. Matt Smith can. He's a role model for millions.

Scooters, vacation, fall,
Meredith